Swear Not By The Moon
by Ayakaishi Fei
Summary: Feelings can be tricky things, especially if they’re returned. Short one-shot. **Kensuke**
1. I'm Not Going to Swear by the Moon

Title: Swear Not By The Moon  
  
Author: FireDemon  
  
Email: Ken_Dai_Love@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Angst, Rambling thoughts.  
  
Category: Romance, Angst.  
  
Summary: Feelings can be tricky things, especially if they're returned. Short one-shot. **Kensuke**  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: At no point in my life have I ever owned anything that even resembles a television show, so, no, Digimon isn't mine. I do own a broken Gatomon key chain that my best guy friend, (Ken-chan ^_^) got for me when he visited his grandparents in Japan. and you can't have it!  
  
  
  
So liking Ken wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had, but you'll notice I didn't start by talking about my intelligence.  
  
I don't think I really thought about the fact Ken was a boy, I mean, yes, I knew he was a guy, and that generally guys like girls, but I'm bi.  
  
I prefer girls to tell you the truth, but Ken; well he was one in a million.  
  
Or maybe not a million, but he was the first real tangible boy I've ever liked.  
  
I mean, there've been a couple of times when I've seen a guy on T.V. and thought wow, he's not bad, but I'm the type of person who practises crushing on people they can never have.  
  
I'd told a couple of people that I liked Ken, Miyako and Mimi. Why I'd told Mimi, I have absolutely no idea, she was there when I was confessing to Miyako.  
  
And I told Miyako because. well because I can't get away with not telling her something.  
  
Then he liked me back.  
  
Or at least, I got told he did.  
  
And that was still okay, because I could pretend I wasn't sure, I had an excuse for never telling anyone.  
  
Until I found out that he really did like me. And he found out I really did like him.  
  
So did the rest of the digi-destined.  
  
I spent the whole day avoiding talking to him, and being pestered by Miyako to ask him out.  
  
In fact everyone wanted to know when I was going to ask him out.  
  
Except for Takeru, who'd confessed to liking both of us.  
  
That was a good excuse for a while.  
  
Until Ken told me straight out that he didn't like Takeru like that. but then, I already knew that.  
  
I was elated for the rest of that day.  
  
My Ken liked me back. I could ask him out, we could be together.  
  
We'd have to keep it a secret, because my parents are violently disapproving. so are his for that matter.  
  
I'd lain awake for hours.  
  
I'd suddenly remembered the reason I'd never gone out with anyone. And no, it's not because I've never been asked.  
  
I have exceedingly bad commitment phobia.  
  
Stop laughing: it's true.  
  
As I lay there, I just kept thinking, what if my parents found out.  
  
And I realised that first conditioning goes a lot deeper then I'd ever thought. I'd admitted a long time ago that I was bi, but as I lay there, I realised it was wrong.  
  
Boys are meant to love girls, and girls boys.  
  
Sure, I know a lot of bi people. That was part of the reason I realised it so easy.  
  
I don't actually like a lot of people, I'm kind of picky, so it seemed natural to pick from both sexes.  
  
Until I realised that my parents would kill me if they ever found out.  
  
I know Miya's argument, "So, we'll keep it a secret." But, it's more then that.  
  
What if they're right?  
  
What if it's the last step.  
  
If I kiss him, will I be damned to hell?  
  
Why am I so worried about this?  
  
Why can't I stop thinking about it?  
  
I'm scared. Maybe I shouldn't ask him out. Maybe I should tell him that I made a mistake.  
  
That I'm straight.  
  
I realise it would hurt him, and I know I want to experience everything.  
  
I've been curious about kissing a boy for a long time now.  
  
But I'm petrified. and for the first time in my life, I can't ask my mom for advice.  
  
I worried myself sick.  
  
I woke up this morning and threw up.  
  
I don't usually throw up; I don't think I have since I was a kid.  
  
I hadn't eaten anything, so it was just water and phlegm.  
  
A one day respite.  
  
One day to decide.  
  
Should I ask him out?  
  
I know he won't ask me, I'm dominant, and he's as shy as they come.  
  
I still don't know what to do.  
  
I suppose I could say that it's a once in a life-time opportunity, and I did promise myself I'd kiss a boy before I turned 17.  
  
But on the other hand, what if it is wrong? What if I really will go to hell?  
  
I've never even dated a girl. should I just dive straight in and date Ken?  
  
Should I wait?  
  
And what if I break his heart. Am I cruel enough to tell him that I don't love him. after I confessed I did?  
  
I just don't know.  
  
I don't want to make him a promise I can't keep.  
  
So I'm not going to swear by the moon.  
  
  
  
Owari  
  
Authors Notes: Falling in love with a friend, especially one of the same sex is generally a bad idea, and sometimes what you think you want isn't what you want at all. I decided to write this to try and sort through my thoughts.  
  
It didn't really help. I'm still as confused as I was when I started this.  
  
I'm not Daisuke, and the girl I like isn't Ken.  
  
If only life was as easy as fan fiction.  
  
This was sort of inspired by a fic by A Suicidal Frog Named Bob2, sometimes actually making a decision can be the hardest thing in the world. 


	2. But I Do Love You

Title: Swear Not By The Moon  
  
Author: FireDemon  
  
Email: Ken_Dai_Love@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Angst, Rambling thoughts.  
  
Category: Romance, Angst.  
  
Summary: This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I realised it needed some form of resolution, especially after I found my own, so here's part 2. **Kensuke**  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: At no point in my life have I ever owned anything that even resembles a television show, so, no, Digimon isn't mine. I do own a broken Gatomon key chain that my best guy friend, (Ken-chan ^_^) got for me when he visited his grandparents in Japan. and you can't have it!  
  
Maths class.  
  
A class of boredom.  
  
A class where I am pestered by Miyako to admit my undying love for Ken.  
  
And a class where I don't do maths work.  
  
Well. it sounded like a good place to begin to me.  
  
It started with a letter. A letter I was NOT intending to give to Ken.  
  
It was a very nice letter, filled with some very flattering things about Ken, and how much I liked him.  
  
I was planning to tear it up. Or keep it in my underwear drawer until I turned 50. Pick whichever one you like best.  
  
Miyako decided I had to give it to him, so I agreed, secretly deciding I would tear it up before I ever did so.  
  
Miyako is very stubborn.  
  
I couldn't give it to him myself. Have you ever tried to confess your feelings to the person that you love? Even in a letter?  
  
I know a lot of people won't believe this but I'm actually very shy.  
  
'Daisuke Motomiya? Shy?' It's true. I'm really good at pretending not to be, but when it comes down to it I'm petrified.  
  
I gave her the letter in a moment of weakness.  
  
I asked for it back a second after I'd let it go.  
  
She refused to give it back. I sprained my ankle chasing after her.  
  
After she gave Ken the letter I tried to run away.  
  
I'm serious, I was petrified.  
  
I slugged Miyako in the arm and ran away to hide.  
  
I know. 'Aren't you supposed to be the Digidestined of Courage?'  
  
Key words, 'supposed to be'. When it comes to relationships I have about the same amount of courage as a stick. Possibly less.  
  
Miyako found me, and dragged me back to Ken.  
  
He said yes.  
  
3 days ago, the, well perhaps love of my life is a little to strong, but the boy who I like, said yes.  
  
Have I kissed him yet? Were there fireworks?  
  
Leave me be, I'm getting there.  
  
I've never been out with anyone before. And just because I like him doesn't mean I'm going to drag him into a bush and make out with him.  
  
Not that I don't want to mind you.  
  
I'm waiting for the right moment.  
  
I want our first kiss to mean something.  
  
I want to make Ken happy, I don't know whether I love him or not, but I do know I like him a hell of a lot.  
  
He still barely talks to me, although he does talk to me more then the others.  
  
Our relationship means a lot to me.  
  
I've made enough mistakes in my life. This is the one thing I don't want to be a mistake.  
  
I can't pretend. It has to be real.  
  
I'm not used to real.  
  
I don't know whether asking Ken out was the right thing to do.  
  
My parents would disown me if they ever found out.  
  
His parents are worse.  
  
I don't know whether we're soulmates, destined to be together for all eternity.  
  
I don't want a bond that's make believe.  
  
But for the moment, for as long as it lasts,  
  
I'm in love with the most gorgeous boy in existence.  
  
And life's what *I* make it.  
  
Owari  
  
Authors Notes: I want to thank everyone who reviewed my fic, you all helped me to see that I wasn't alone in what I was going through.  
  
I got told to write a sequel if I ever found a resolution, I don't know that I did.  
  
Because maybe you can't be sure.  
  
But isn't it better to be happy?  
  
This chapter is for my five reviewers, Dark Angel Katti, a cute little dead girl, lilshampoo, Moonlit Eyes1x2x1, wormmonsoul, and for Beth, who said yes. 


End file.
